I am FREE!!!
Read on to know what I’m free from
I’m free from pain, suffering and anxiety.
How did I do that?
By witnessing, accepting and releasing my Victim in the many roles it played in my life.
“I’m not a victim” I attested that statement for years, I even had internal conversations about it. Would be triggered by it if anyone dared to utter it to me.
I mean come on, no one wants to admit the victim parts of themselves, let alone read a bloody article on it.
Truth bomb: if you experience ANY ongoing pain, suffering and anxiety, there is a victim living in your psyche.
So, if after reading the above you feel a knot, a disturbance of any kind, then your victim heard me and is probably fighting my words. Or if you have done some work on the victim part of you, you are probably thinking: “hmmm, this may help.”
My wonderful friend and coach at Alleviate Pain Mary-Ann has written this informative article to help the victim be released without judgement.
Knowledge is power and action is a healer.
Have a great day.
Yours, Dawn.
Further Ponderings & Tips.
Do you feel like you have lost control of over some part or parts of your life?
Is there something/someone that feels threatening to your happiness and peace?
Do you feel as if life or others owe you something?
Or that you deserve something for what you have gone through?
Then you might be operating from a victim mode.
In today’s session I will make an effort to clarify several issues on the archetype VICTIM:
What is a victim?
Who is a victim?
Why are you a victim?
What causes or caused you to be a victim?
And finally: How can you stop being a victim?
What is a victim?
When uncontrollable forces rage in and destroy everything we become a victim. Our life as we once knew it becomes completely unrecognisable. Had there been a way to stop this terrorizing, shattering power? Perhaps, but by the time the chaos pours down, it is too late to halt the flood of devastation. We may have even seen it coming, but now it’s too late.
When we lose all, we are being the victim. Our shock is real. The agonizing pain we experience is genuine. The blank stare and unresponsive state are honest. This space of utter powerlessness and despair can last five minutes or five years. There is no way to predict how the victim archetype in us will cope with the loss.
But there is a difference between being the victim and playing the victim.
When you are playing the victim, you have given away your power. This is the innate power that you have over others, yourself and your circumstances. You will usually feel that you are totally dependent on other people or governments for your bare existence. And you often blame the rest of the world when your needs are not met.
As a culture, we’ve grown tired of people who are playing the victim. We see people that seem to suffer long past the point of what we feel is reasonable. We become weary of the complaining, misery and the moodiness. We try to help the victim by cheering them up. We mutter about how their energy brings us down. And when we finally lose hope for a loved one’s hopelessness, we sever ties. This, paradoxically, makes us feel like a victim.
On the other hand, you may be the person playing the victim. This happens when you are caught in an endless depression that alienates you from the outside world. You may wish that you could stop your whining. You might even think that you should be over this by now. Frustration with yourself causes more feelings of victim-hood. Whining becomes a power tool you use unconsciously or consciously to manipulate others into noticing you.
Who is a victim?
Actually – everybody.
There are few archetypes that are as pervasive and deeply entrenched into our cultural identities as the Victim. Many books and movies use the Victim as a protagonist and this with great success.
Do you keep your promise to yourself?
Or, do you give in to the fear of survival and your need for security?
Do you ever wonder if you are born to bad luck?
Do you find yourself often getting confused with emotions?
Are you getting physically hurt in random events?
Do some people play with you like a predator that toys with prey?
Do you feel like you are always miserable?
Then you just may be a Victim.
The Victim seems to be a bad luck magnet with a lot of evidence that proves to them that the universe is against him or her.
The thing is that everyone can relate to the Victim and we love to root for the underdog, the downtrodden and the disadvantaged. There is nothing wrong with this. Hidden within the Victim is the Victor. We are fascinated with the Victim archetype and have a strong cultural attachment to it. I believe that this feeds into our desire for transformation and personal empowerment. And this is satisfied when the Victim becomes the Victor.
Why are you a victim?
The root of the Victim archetype is the fear that you cannot survive or will not survive. Not just physical survival but the survival of your identity, your hopes and dreams or sense of self. Deep down there is an ingrained belief that you don’t deserve to thrive and the Victim gives you a way to have passive control over your life.
Being a Victim attracts attention. And as a Victim, sadly, you confuse the attention of sympathy with love.
What the Victim does not understand is that “sympathy” is a very poor quality of attention in the full spectrum of what love is.
Most Victims have Superpowers they use, either consciously or unconsciously:
They always seem to be attracting demeaning situations
They naturally fall prey to the meanest in the bunch
They feel like they are last on everybody’s to-do list
They are uncomfortable expressing their needs or demanding what they deserve
And they silently endure harm from others
What causes or caused you to be a victim?
When there is a Victim, there also is a Villain. This Villain can be something as simple as your work schedule or seasonal allergies. The Victim soon perceives that particular situation as a Perpetrator or Villain.
Victim-hood usually starts with some tragic circumstances for which the Victim does not have the tools to cope. This causes the Victim to identify with the heavy emotions attached to this event. The Victim subconsciously continues to attract events and people that will reinforce his or her role as a Victim. In other words, Victims fail to negotiate their personal boundaries and defences which leaves them victimized. To some people, a Victim is irresistibly attractive, namely to those that are the saviour or rescuer archetype.
There are caregivers who go too far and they also might end up victims. This is not just to the people for whom they are caring but also to their own guilt and feelings of inadequacy.
And finally: How can you stop being a victim?
Remove words like blame, deserve, hate, self-pity, and resentment from your vocabulary. To do this, you have to know with what words and practices you can replace them. Find out where the shadow victim in you holds on to old injuries and justifies hurting others.
Then use words like compassion and forgiveness, they are in the vocabulary of the soul. And there is a difference between talking about kindness and being kind.
When you affirm that “I am strong” and “I will make it through this,” you are tapping into the infinite power of the omnipresent victim archetype. The belief that you will survive against any odds is the grace of fortitude. The victim in the light brings relentless courage in the face of adversity. This is where the victim archetype power merges with the power of your soul.
The triumph comes from that spark of hope that lies in the core of your being. That is the victim in the light. The victim archetype is saying “enough” to adversity and heading for something better. The victim is the basic victor in light over darkness in us all.
If you want to stop playing the victim and embody the light qualities of the victim archetype, then use compassion. Compassion means to suffer (passion) with (com-). This does not mean to sink into a deep, dark pit of misery with someone and be unhappy because they are unhappy. To be compassionate means to be beside someone, to love and support them, to bear witness to their pain, and to channel mercy.
The victim brings compassion for others and for yourself. We express judgement more often than kindness. We want to fix and heal the pain. Suffering is uncomfortable. When we resist suffering in ourselves and others, we perpetuate the cycle of victimization.
When we say that being sad is “wrong” and we need to get better, we judge ourselves. This judgement just makes the feelings worse. It is okay to be sad, hurt, traumatized, etc. These are natural states. We are not supposed to stay in these places for too long, but we must experience them. When we try to shut negative feelings out and make ourselves wrong for feeling bad, we fall deeper into despair. To stop playing the victim you need to be with the victim so you can move into the light.
When we meet our negative feelings with compassion and don’t make them bigger or suppress them, we are with the victim archetype in the light. When we are watching the suffering as a compassionate witness, we offer the wound love, without getting wrapped up in it. Reminding ourselves that everyone has had traumatizing experiences, and that we are not alone, helps too. The victim archetype in the light reminds us to act to ourselves and others with kindness. It sounds simple, but it takes a lot of power to turn away from meanness and move into compassion.
When there are any experiences thoughts or anything you would like to share, please do so in our community on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dawncady.mindsetcoach/
