This time of year can be very stressful for a lot of us, but we also see it as a new beginning and for that reason, many people set New Years Resolutions.
Did you do as well?
Great, I wish you all the best with it.
How are you doing?
Lots of people are doing good and feeling happy about sticking to their intentions. Others have already given up, some will soon give up, unfortunately.
I am not being pessimistic here, just honest. I guess we all know, that we mostly fail to stick to our NYR within the first month of the year. And I bet you are beating yourself up about it, every year again. Telling yourself how weak and stupid you are. Even though this is only adding to the stress and feelings of inadequacy you already have anyway.
Well, you can stop doing that now, because even if you would be stronger and smarter you still might end up failing to keep your NYR. This is because we do not have willpower enough to see it through.
And unless you have an honest and good selfish reason, you will not stick to your NYR.
Why is that then? I hear you ask.
It is like that because the thing you are trying to break is a habit. A habit is something you have done so often, that your subconscious has learned to take over from you so you do not have to think about it.
That is smart, right?
Oh, yes it is, often, it is very helpful and makes life a lot easier. But there are also those habits that we rather not have. These are the ones we want to break and every year again, we try our very best to achieve that.
Well, the only way you can do that if you replace it with another habit and as most of you might know, it takes 21 to 30 days to form a habit.
It is even harder to change a habit.
But there are ways to do it.
First of all, you have to ask yourself why you want to change this habit. If there is not a selfish reason (like YOUR health, YOUR happiness, YOUR relationship, YOUR money) then you have little chance of changing it, because you have no real investment in it. You then also might ask yourself for who you want to change this.
But we have a solution for that, even if you want something for someone else, you can ask yourself, what you get out of it.
For example: Your wife keeps complaining about your smoking. She hates the smell and we all know that it is bad for your health.
Now, when your wife is complaining, she does not want to nag.
She is trying to save your life, she wants you to stick around for a bit longer.
How can you change that into a selfish reason?
Your wife will stop nagging.
Your relationship will improve.
Your health and well-being will improve.
You will feel fitter.
You will get most of your smell back.
You might gain a bit of weight though, but this is probably because you are enjoying to eat more again.
Do you see how this could work for you?
OK, the next step then is to take it day by day.
I learned this from my Reiki education. In Reiki, there are some mantras we live by and they start with: Just for today, I will…
We can use that here as well.
Because let us be honest, saying that you will always avoid eating sugar, or never smoke again or be alcohol-free forever from now, is pretty scary. And that causes a lot of stress.
And let me tell you that if you do think consciously like that, your subconscious feels and thinks that a lot more intense and deeper. And because it had identified itself with that habit, that habit of being fat, or being a smoker, or being a drinker, gives it some security. It feels like it will not survive if you let go of that habit. After all, that is all your subconscious cares about, to survive. To help you survive.
So never, always and forever are too big, too scary.
But if you would decide to not smoke for today, that is not so threatening, because we can always go back to it tomorrow, right?
Just for today, I will not smoke.
Just for today, I will not drink alcohol
Just for today, I will not eat sugar.
Just for today, I will exercise.
Just for today, I will…
That feels ok, that feels quite easy to do, that even feels possible. You can do that for 1 day.
And then you make that same decision again tomorrow.
Even when you say that you will do that for 1 more day, and you do it again the day after, you soon have formed a new habit, without even trying.
And you know, even if you “fail” one day, you can just go back to; just for today, I will…
It only takes 21 to 30 days to form a new habit.
When you know of some other successful ways to change habits or keep resolutions, please do share your experiences within our community of like-minded people who are also embracing this concept. Come and join us on Facebook, where we all look forward to new insights and connections.